Does life ever get easier?

Those of you who know me understand that my life has basically been a gigantic turd for me the last year or so. I have much to be grateful for, and I try to keep from complaining too much. I am sure that I often come across as a whiner and it bothers me that I do. The next week or so a significant event in my life will finally be laid to rest and it has my mind running rampant. I try hard not to feel sorry for myself and often question what I could have done differently that would have avoided this situation(s) completely. I have even questioned my (our) parenting. Who am I to be responsible for three little girls? They are also probably the best thing that I have ever been given. Still I question, what have I done wrong to deserve this, and more importantly what did my children do to deserve this? I’m sure the answer is nothing – it just happened.

So the question still remains, does life ever get any easier, or have the easy times in my life already left me as the dork that was lovingly referred to as “gay nay” and “Dumbo” as a kid in grade school? Have I already gone through the easy part of life and all I have to look forward to is pain and hardship with the occasional glimmer of hope to keep me breathing? I always thought that as I grew older that financial things would become easier not harder. As my children grew older they would become more manageable not less. Family relationships and friendships would become stronger, not weaker. I know that these things don’t just happen and that they require hard work. Maybe I don’t work hard enough, but it sure feels like I do.

Today I write this with a genuine sadness that I haven’t felt in a long time. Perhaps it is just the stress of the impending closure? Likely it is just the combination of things that I bear on my shoulders. I feel like I will collapse at any moment unable to bear it any longer. As the tears run down my face there is a looming sense of hope. Please let it be hope. Make it worth hoping for.